Understanding The Emotional Impact of School as ADHD & Autistic Adults
I recently came across this article in Psychology Today called Why Autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD Students Are Stressed at School. A new study shows that schools place double emotional burdens on neurodivergent students.
My podcast is for adults, and I’m sure most of us aren’t students, but it’s relevant to us as it’s about the emotional burden of not having our neurodivergent needs met at school and how that can affect us in our adult lives.
Personally, I’ll have these memories appear and they’ll be saying,
“Hey, remember me? Now that you understand autism and ADHD, doesn’t it seem like that moment from your past—or your childhood—makes a lot more sense?”
I can feel that emotional weight of school. We were tired when we got home from school, we were tired at school, and we didn’t have the language for it.
We didn’t know it was burnout and not necessarily tiredness and we didn’t know we were neurodivergent.
If our emotional needs aren’t being met, then no one is modeling for us how to meet them - so, we carry that into adulthood.
Then we realize there’s been emotional neglect not just from caregivers, but from the world - teachers and others who had us in their care.
This emotional exhaustion and dysregulation don’t just disappear in adulthood.
We often end up neglecting ourselves, sometimes in deep ways, like not truly loving ourselves, and other times in simpler ways, like not realizing we even needed that love.
We didn’t know the weight we were carrying was an emotional burden.
So listen today, or read below and allow yourself to go back in time and give yourself a break. Let’s heal today.
In episode 50, we’re talking about:
The Psychology Today article, ‘Why Autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD Students Are Stressed at School’, which shines a light on a new study demonstrating that schools place double emotional burdens on neurodivergent students
The impact on many of us as kids, as we were overlooked for a diagnosis, and how our emotional needs weren’t being met
How we carried that emotional neglect from the world into adulthood
Listen below, stream it on your favorite podcasting app, or scroll to access the full blog post.
Why School Feels So Hard for Neurodivergent Students
Dr. Latempore Lova, an autistic academic, wrote: “Learning is an autistic joy of my life, but school was painful, painful, painful.”
This heartbreak is shared by many neurodivergent people.
A groundbreaking UK study involving adolescents ages 11–16 discusses:
Why school environments are so challenging for autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD students.
Solutions that honor the joy of learning and the dignity of every student.
How schools often place a double emotional burden on neurodivergent students, which can lead to decades of mental health struggles, including anxiety, depression, trauma and negative coping mechanisms.
What Is Emotional Burden?
The researchers developed the My Emotions in School Inventory (MESI) tool to measure both:
How often upsetting events happen
How intensely they affect students
That combination defines emotional burden.
The findings revealed something crucial: the emotional burden itself (not just the natural emotional regulation difficulties that come with ADHD and autism) plays a major role in developing anxiety and depression.
In other words, it’s not simply that neurodivergent students are “bad at regulating emotions.” The school environment creates added weight by failing to meet their needs.
Executive Function & Emotional Regulation Explained
People with ADHD and AuDHD often struggle with executive functions, which are the mental skills that help us manage ourselves and achieve goals.
These include:
Self-awareness
Inhibition
Working memory (verbal & nonverbal)
Emotional regulation
Motivation
Planning and problem-solving
What the Study Found
Every neurodivergent teenager who participated—whether autistic, ADHD, or AuDHD—experienced significantly higher emotional burdens than neurotypical peers.
ADHD Students Were Most Upset By:
Teachers not listening
Boring lessons or tasks
Being stopped from enjoyable activities
Being told to “try harder”
Being accused of things they didn’t do
Forgetting or losing things
Autistic Students Were Most Upset By:
Peers gossiping or talking behind their backs
Unexpected waits or delays
Sensory discomfort (noise, lighting, textures)
Being rushed between tasks or assignments
Struggling to understand social dynamics
AuDHD Students Were Most Upset By:
Last-minute changes to plans
Chaotic classrooms
Teachers misunderstanding them
Not being allowed to use coping strategies
Failing to complete tasks successfully
Bullying and social exclusion
Being treated unfairly by staff
Key findings: Different neurotypes are stressed by different things, and AuDHD presents a unique pattern that isn’t just “autism + ADHD.”
The article compares neurodivergent students to canaries in coal mines. Like canaries that warn of toxic gases, these students are responding appropriately to harmful environments.
They are not “too sensitive.” Their distress is not a flaw; it’s a natural reaction to conditions that are genuinely damaging to well-being.
Support for Students
The article recommends some accommodations and forms of support for students. I want to point out that as adults, we can apply this to our current work or task life too.
General Guidance
Honor each student’s individuality instead of enforcing one-size-fits-all rules.
Treat students with dignity—what some call neuro-dignity.
Focus on changing harmful environments, not forcing students to tolerate them.
Recognize that teaching “calm down” strategies alone isn’t enough if the environment itself is toxic.
Bullying
Bullying is not a “character-building” experience. It’s harmful and leaves lasting scars.
While some survivors reframe bullying as something that made them “stronger,” the truth is that it robbed them of safety, trust, and crucial developmental time.
Healing means >> Acknowledging both the resilience gained and the loss endured.
Accommodations for ADHD Students
Flexibility in how students demonstrate learning
Respect for their interests and energy levels that go up and down during the day
Providing the teachers with support and resources to create engaging lessons and clearer communication
Autistic Student Accommodations
Sensory accommodations
Advance notice of changes (homework, schedules, curriculum, etc)
Support for navigating social situations
Extra transition time
Protection from social cruelty and help in preventing it
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The Bigger Issue: Supporting Teachers
The study was conducted in the UK, but the problem is global…
Teachers often lack the resources to support neurodivergent students.
Some educators go above and beyond:
Raising money online
Buying their own supplies
Creating various workarounds
However, the system itself is underfunded and unsustainable.
Even in well-funded schools, many neurodivergent needs go unmet. The real shift must be recognizing students are not the problem—the environment is.
A Needed Shift in Perspective
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with this student?” we should be asking: “What’s wrong with this environment?”
Neurodivergent students are not asking for special treatment. They’re asking for the same consideration others receive without having to fight for it.
And when their strengths are honored, they often help entire classrooms think more creatively and empathetically.
Personal Reflections from School
Like many of you, I carry painful memories from school. The times I was misunderstood, unsupported, or even punished for simply being myself.
I remember:
Dressing as Mozart for a class presentation and being ridiculed by peers (and dismissed by teachers).
Being targeted by bullies while adults stood by.
A college acting teacher who misinterpreted my autistic “neutral face” as disinterest and shamed me in front of peers.
The real harm wasn’t just the bullying itself—it was the silence of adults who could have intervened but didn’t.
That lack of protection turned joy into shame and reinforced the idea that “being me” was the problem.
What I’d Like To Say To My Younger Self
“The system failed you. And now you can help others. And you can refuse to fail yourself.”
I hope you take that to heart.
Stop failing yourself by continuing to repeat the behaviors of your original bullies - whether they intended to bully you are not, they caused harm.
You deserve a do-over. And you can have one. Starting right now.
ADHD Books To Support Your Journey:
You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!'
The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder - By Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo
👉 Get 20% off this book with my affiliate link
I’ll Be Just Five More Minutes
And Other Tales From My ADHD Brain - By Emily Farris
A memoir about getting diagnosed at 35, looking back on life, and realizing all the things that were ADHD.
Get In Touch…
Let me know if you related to this episode in any way. Reach me at alotadhdpod @ gmail.com. Vent about the schools and teachers who failed you. Whatever you want. And I might read it on an upcoming episode.
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