I Used To Watch Sunrises
MY BRAIN IS EFFING WITH ME
I am going out of town for a week (not work, not vacation, a family illness situation), and whenever I have to leave my home, the little brat inside of me decides to start missing a thing that isn’t even a thing right now.
Does that make sense?
Why does my (our) brain do this?
My Brain: You’re leaving? But we were going to cozy up on the couch under a faux-fur weighted blanket and watch one classic film every night like we always do!
Me: We don’t do that. Ever. We’ve never done that. I never sit still.
My Brain: Well, yeah, but I thought we could start doing that this week. Doesn’t that sound so nice?
Me: It does. Crap. Why do I have to go away right now?
REVENGE BEDTIME PROCRASTINATION
As I pack my Color By Number Adult Coloring Book (as in “a coloring book for grown-ups” not a porn coloring book) my brain is telling me that it’s going to be a hard week without the view from my bedroom where I watch the sunrise every morning at 6:03 am.
I haven’t watched the sunrise in months. I’ve been staying up too late to get up so early. I’ve been Revenge Bedtime Procrastinating with my coloring book and Tik-Tok videos about how the Male Loneliness Epidemic is actually a Consequences of Their Own Actions Epidemic.
But now, I feel the pull to get back into my real schedule. I’ve felt like crap anyway. I don’t know if you know this, but not sleeping makes you tired. My promise to myself is that once I’m back in NYC, I will start watching the sunrise again. It’s too easy not to. All it takes is hopping out of bed when the alarm goes off. Making coffee. Bringing a mug of coffee into my bed. Chilling with my weighted microwaveable warmer on my torso (highly recommended). Watch the earth turn and the colors roll in. Once she has risen, I can nap.
FASCISM CAN’T STOP THE SUN
I was playing dumb before. I have a theory on why my brain behaves this way. It’s trying to tell me that I regret not starting my day with stopping and that I regret not ending my night with stillness. I don’t have to become a monk and do this every day. (Do monks get offended that they’re always the go-to example of a person who doesn’t get out much?) But a few days a week is better than nothing. And it reminds me, I’m not just a citizen of a country going fascist in a city that will suffer, I’m a human who lives on EARTH and holy fuck, that’s just too big to put into words. AND I realized it from writing this email - I just saved myself from having to spend eleven minutes in space!
If you don’t see sunrises very much - I’m posting these photos to invite you to enjoy mine.
P.S. If you want 20% off that faux fur blanket, use code JEN20 at checkout.