TAKING DOWN BOYS ON ONION AV CLUB'S MESSAGE BOARDS


I never read message board comments.  I don’t read reviews.  I don’t Google my name.  I am sure people say terrible things all the time (and nice things) but I can’t live or die by either sword.  My life is so peaceful and happy ignoring all that could possibly be written.  I have stopped looking at message boards and all that stuff - I haven’t in…I think almost two years? 

But someone showed me that the AV CLUB POD MASS wrote a delightful thing about my recent appearance on the Pod F. Tompkast. And I fucking read the comment section - was NOT looking for things about me, was just kind of zoned out and kept reading what people were discussing in the comment fields under the article and saw some pretty presumptuous stuff written about me.

I’d like to respond to some of the awful things said and then I’ll be done. Please don’t tell me to have an attitude of “fuck the haters.” Trust me. I’m busy and I don’t pay much mind to what people say but these particular comments bothered me mostly because it’s lazy people making assumptions about alcohol/drug abuse, body image issues and the legitimacy of my career and I want to correct them.

http://www.avclub.com/articles/week-of-feb-28,69161/

Captain Dada (http://www.avclub.com/users/captain-dada,92623/) wrote in the comment section:

“I honestly think that she is pretty messed up, based on WTF and PFT interviews. She probably drinks too much, is too concerned about her image, pops a lot of Xanax, etc. So I guess that does make her a comedienne.”

Dear, Captain Dada. I am not messed up. I don’t drink too much. Some weeks I don’t drink. I never have to control my drinking.  I never think about it. I’m pretty health  conscious and drinking tends to make it worse - also it makes me break out.  Also, I hate hangovers and I will get one if I have more than 3 drinks.  So I’m pretty low to moderate. I get wasted every once in a while and usually funny stories happen from the few times a year that happens.  I am NOT AT ALL concerned about my “image.” WHAT IMAGE? I do not have a prescription for Xanax. I work more than 50 hours a week. I get up at 6:30 am every day because I’m writing a book (that I sold and it comes out in 2013) - I also work 40 hours a week as a TV writer. And I do stand-up at night sometimes and go on the road. Xanax wouldn’t really help me with that.

I was clinically depressed and suffered from panic disorder as a teen and in my 20’s. Through anti-depressants and 15 years of therapy I no longer suffer.  I have not been on anti-depressants in five years and I only have a prescription for Klonopin - which my doctor will only refill a couple of times a year and I take a negligible 0.5 milligrams when I fly to ward off any panic attacks. So, please take this as a rebuttal to your horrible accusations. Love, Jen

Yabels wrote in the comment section: (http://www.avclub.com/users/yabels,51708/)

“I haven’t heard any of Kirkman’s comedy aside from Drunk History and her podcast appearances. Also Twitter. She does seem like a fun person, but she seems like a "pal of comics” as opposed to a legitimate comic herself.

Dear Yabels,

I seem like a "fun” person, you seem like a a judgmental person. So, I don’t seem like a legit comic myself - yet you admit you’ve never seen or purchased my comedy.  I have been doing stand-up since 1997. I have two comedy albums “Self Help” and “Hail to the Freaks” (which debuted at #13 on the Billboard Charts) I got my start in Boston and then proceeded to work in NYC as a stand-up for years, and finally moved to Los Angeles in 2001. I’ve appeared on more than handfuls of late-night TV shows DOING STAND-UP COMEDY.  For the past 7 years I’ve been on the road, working in comedy clubs, rock clubs and theatres as a feature and headliner.  Legit comics are the only people who can do this. I’m a TV comedy writer and also an actor.  I perform all over town all the time.  I haven’t had a non-showbiz day job in five years. You are right about one thing - I AM a fun person and you’ll never get to hang out with me. The reason I’m a “pal of comics” is because comedians are friends with one another.  Would you accuse a man of just being “a friend of comedians?” Just wondering… Love, Jen

Michael Clayton, ESQ http://www.avclub.com/users/michael-clayton-esq,90125 wrote in the comment section:

She has a lot of anxiety and body image issues, and she doesn’t seem to have many “street smarts”. Her first few Tomcast stories were mostly about her falling for the most transparent scams.

Dear Michael Clayton ESQ,

It is spelled, “Tompkast” - also the stories about me falling for scams - I believe you are referring to a rinky-dink acting class I took at age 11 (not a scam) and a scam job I fell for at age 24 as a young woman in New York City.  I’m sorry that when you were 11 you never did anything dumb.  And I’m sorry you never had the balls to move to NYC alone (having never even visited there first) to follow your dreams. Someday if you take risks, you might find yourself falling a little here and there.

I don’t have body image issues.  I like trying to stay thin. So kill me.  You might be referring to one of my bits I did on the Tompkast as well as my album.  I went through a weird time a few years ago where I gained 40 pounds.  Not sure if you’ve ever gained 40 pounds but it doesn’t feel good. I had some funny stories to tell about what it took to lose the 40 pounds and I’m now at a healthy weight and don’t stress too much about it.  But I thank you for putting that gross misinterpretation of me on the internet.  Also - you need a real profile picture.  Love, Jen

****

With that I will go back to my many year streak of not reading comment sections. And in the future if a nice article is sent my way, I will find another way to read it so I don’t even see comments.

In closing, I hope you all someday get to enjoy the joys of lots of sex and being a pretty-in-certain-circles, older lady who gets paid to be funny.

Love,

Jen

pps - Let me make abundantly clear - I am more than fine with people not finding me funny. That is to be expected! You’d be shocked at people that I don’t find funny, etc. We all have our tastes. But I’ll never understand the culture of boys writing slanderous opinions of women they don’t know on the internet.

Oh! And….YOU SEEM FUN!